Relationships- just some thoughts

No pictures tonight. 

This weekend I have been thinking about relationships.  It all started with a request to give a 10 minute devotion for the quilting group and the realization the night before that I had forgotten about the devotion and needed to prepare something.
My relationships have changed tremendously over the last 5 years.  Nothing like an adoption to really change things up.  But then again, people always told me that having kids changes everything.  So on to my relationships and how they have changed.  This is only a small view of my relationships- I could probably go on for days in order to cover all the relationships.

1. relationships with other people with my interests.
Before Bug, my interests were gymnastics, nascar and scrapbooking, in addition to gardening and reading.  the last 2 are pretty solitary activities.  Gymnastics: I would hop in the car and head to my favorite university to watch meets whenever I could.  I even did a trip where I left the house at 6 am on Saturday and arrived home at 2 am on Sunday (thanks Lulu for driving with me).  Sundays were spent watching Nascar or football and scrapbooking was something I was happy to do any time and it opened the door to quilting.  As I prepared for Bug to come home, I started quilting more.  Instead of being the group scrapbooker, I started making quilts, including the one I took down to Bug the first time I met him.  As the adoption took longer and longer, I made more quilts and grew closer to the quilting group.  They lifted me up while I waited, they prayed for the adoption, prayed for Bug and prayed for me.  When Bug finally came home, they were there at the airport, to greet us.  I thought I could keep going to quilting after Bug came home, but instead I have had to take a 4 year break from the quilting group and a 3 year break for quilting at all.  Bug needed me more and I put aside my interests and my need for support from other women in order to nurture his needs.

2. relationships with friends
My relationships with my friends, from former jobs, from other things, have all taken a back seat to caring for Bug.  I have skipped weddings of friends, avoided gettogethers, and retreated to the house all for Bug.  His needs were and are paramount- he needed me.  But, as he has gotten older and new families have moved into the neighborhood, I have gained new friends.  Friends who have the same issues- kids who need them.  So now, getting out of the house really means hanging out in someones driveway watching the kids play.  I remember this same experience from my childhood- only from the child perspective.  We played and the parents sat in a driveway talking and watching us.  I see the cycle of love continuing. Perhaps one day Bug will look back and remember, as he watches his kids playing, that he played with friends while all the parents watched.

3. Cyber relationships:
Most of my friends are online now.  Since I can't go out often at all, the people I talk to most every day live in other countries, cities and states.  If Bug can go with me, I can get out to meet people, but if not, then we are home.  School has also limited face to face contact with friends.  I am now tied to a school year versus being able to pick up and go places whenever I want or need. 

Bug has his needs and it took me a while to figure it out and learn to navigate the reality that every relationship is now colored by the needs of one little boy.  he needs me, though he is making huge strides in being able to be away from me.  But his attachment remains paramount.  I may be able to get away without him for a few hours once a month at this point.  There is a long way to go, but he and I have come so far from where we started.





There is a thing going on facebook, that I have thought about.  Make a sign about adoption and use it as your profile picture. I have thought about it and finally decided that I can't do it.  Bug is at the point where his story is his story, he has control.  I don't want to put words in his mouth regarding his feelings on his life.

But I might make a sign for me.  " I am a momma today because of 2 other incredible women".  I stand on the shoulders of Bug's birth mother and his momi Mierya.  They made the incredible choices, they suffered the heart ache.  I am a momma because of their love and sacrifice.

my relationship is completely changed because of them.  I am momma to a precious little boy.  I can never forget what they lost in order for me to gain the most important relationship in my life.

love and hugs,
Deb