hijacking the blog for some questions that are floating around in my mind

Continuing with the theme from yesterday, I have some questions that have been floating around in my mind and I felt I was ready to put them out there into the blog world. 

Before I start- I want to say clearly- I am not pointing fingers at any one or any choice they have mad- each of us make choices that are best for our family.  I am just asking questions and wondering.


Question 1:
if hijo's mother lived in the US or was American, would I feel the need to reach out to her?


Question 2:
If Hijo's birth mother/first mother was in the US or American, would I even consider helping her via schooling costs, house, etc?  These are all things I read about on blogs or boards- people finding first families and then supporting them in some financial fashion- directly.  I am not against helping people break the cycle of poverty, but I wonder if there is guilt aspect to direct support?  from what I have read about adoptions here in the US, supporting the first family after the adoption or helping financially is specifically a no-no (in a few states I have looked- it might be different in others).  I know that I am not sure what I might or will do if hijo's first mother is located and there is need.  I do know I struggle with the needs I hear about when I visited with my compassion student in 2009.  There was  and is a huge need in his family.  Compassion takes that decision away from the sponsors- we can not have direct contact (email/mail0 with the families and we can not provide money directly to them.  We can provide monetary gifts via Compassion and the Compassion office will help the family buy what is most needed or provide the donation to the family as cash to use- but it is a one time donation and the families are told not to expect any more.  I know there are organizations I could contact in Guatemala to help hijo's first mother indirectly.

I don't how much families whose children were born in other countries deal with these issues- but it does seem that the families with kids from Guatemala seem to reach back to Guatemala more, to search for first families, to help first families, etc.  Perhaps it because so much is known about the first mother, perhaps it is because I am reading too many Guatemalan family blogs that I don't realize the extent of searches in other countries, perhaps it is that I am just frigging clueless and going down the wrong path, or perhaps it is that other families, including those in the US don't blog about it as much as the Guatemalan families?  Whatever the case, it just strikes me that there is a difference, that I perceive a difference in how various families formed via adoption conduct themselves with regard to first families.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here- each family makes a decision that works for them and that is OK.  I also can talk about this abstractly because I am not faced with the reality of S's life now.  I do not know what conditions she living in, if there are additional children, etc, so I can think on this.  Perhaps faced with a reality, I would have very different thoughts and very different actions.


The poverty in Guatemala is staggering compared to the US.  I saw an interesting article this week that talked about the poor in America and how much richer the poor here are compared even to average citizens in Western Europe.  It was eye opening.  I have not even seen the worst in Guatemala- I know there is more there that I could see, but I choose not to see first hand because I know I can not handle it right now, but my eyes have been opened and I am thinking on what else I need to be doing.  it is easy to sponsor a child or 2 or 3 or even 4 and not face the reality of what they deal with day to day.  It is easy to write a check, to send a donation and never see the reality.

I feel the need to see the reality and to be present in the solution.  I am thinking of things that might facilitate that for me - it will take some schooling and some different choices, but I think that I am supposed to be heading this direction in my life.  I can not stand on the sidelines any more and passively be part of a temporary solution, it is time to step into the reality and be part of a permanent solution.

So I think this is all I am going to say on this for a while. I hope I have not offended anyone with my questions- they are just questions for me to ask myself in order to get to the next step in my journey.

Love and hugs,
Momma