Finish tee shirts for Popi, Mireya, Susi, Karla, Andrea- CHECK
Color Easter eggs with Bug: CHECK
So we are almost ready- I just have to mail the package off to Guatemala. It should go out Saturday- just 2 weeks late- which seems to be my life these days- always late.
So tonight we color eggs and did printing on the tee shirts of Bug's hands.
first the eggs:
I love how bright these are!!! We never had anything this bright when I was growing up. The blue is awesome and was Bug's favorite. The PINK was horrible and came out really speckled.
17 eggs (1 broke while cooking) and one happy Bug and one proud momma. perfect evening
Tee shirts- that was a different experience. We worked on them while the eggs came up to room temp.
I was a basket case while we did the tee shirts. I finally realized about half way through that it was stressing me out because I had a plan in my head and Bug was just off and running once his hand was covered in fabric paint. So momma's plan was nowhere to be seen. I am having a hard time just letting go and enjoy the moment. I think because I want so much for Popi and family to see that I care enough to do these things with Bug, that I am a good momma, that I forget- it is not the process that shows my love, but the end result. And the end result is Bug made tee shirts for every one with his hands on it, so when they miss him, they can wear the shirts and feel his love for them. Bug and I talked about this yesterday and today because he is again talking about how much he misses Susi (she stands for all the girls) and he has been crying lately for them. So as we talk about how much he misses them, and they miss him, I think it is a comfort to him that they will have his hand prints. So he was all for painting his hands and slamming his hand down on the shirts. He wanted them to feel his love in this act. So Popi and family- know that Bug loves you so much and he believes and trusts that you can feel his love through these shirts.
I struggle because at times I feel this activities are not adequate enough- no substantial enough. I also struggle because I worry about being messy and I realize I never remember my mother fretting about messes we might have made when we were younger. BUT, my dad frets all the time about messiness or ruining things and somehow as much as I dislike that behavior in him, I have picked it up and I am doing the same thing with Bug. It is time to stop this now- Bug is 3, he is supposed to be messy, heck messes are fun- I remember that. It is time to stop worrying about what he might look like (we have a bath tub), it is time to stop worrying about furniture (it is just stuff and it can be cleaned). It is time to start enjoying these moments of pure joy as Bug creates.
Added: My mother will tell me that I am trying to perfect or that I want to be perfect- that is not the case at all. I want to be worthy. I know that sounds silly, but it is the truth and it what I feel- not that anyone has ever told me I am not worthy to be Bug's parent- I jsut feel that I am always trying to prove I am worthy and I am always falling short. So the crafts to send down to the family- I feel should be awsomely creative and impecably done, becuase then I will know I am worthy. And what this boils down to is my feelings. And I need to recognize that no one things I am unworthy of beig Bug's momma except me and I need to chang emy internal vioce to recognize that I am indeed worthy to be his momma. That it the bottom line.
Carefully turning the eggs so he get the color right. He kept talking to the eggs asking them if they were done yet. Too cute.
Smash!!!! Pour lots love into the hand print
here is the very squishy paint that Bug was happy to put his hand in. Notice he has a glove on the other hand- that was a vain attempt to keep him clean.
He is so proud of the tee shirts. I also told him when we go back, we will take a Bug sized tee shirt and some fabric paint and have Popi, Mireya, and the girls put their hands on a tee shirt so Bug can feel their love when he misses them. I have to check the closet- as he has 2 shirts form the family that might also help him. They were too big last year, but perhaps they are a good size now so that Bug can wear them and know that he is missed and loved by his family far away.
We have to clean tomorrow- everyone is coming over Sunday and Saturday we will be out all day.
love and hugs,
Deb
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