Separtion- never a good thing, but time heals

Today Hijo and I were supposed to have some neighborhood kids over- they never showed at our house and we never saw them outside. Hijo was pretty disappointed. but he still had fun in the house (too hot outside). I brought his kitchen stuff up from the basement and he "cooked" for me all morning. He made me some orange/carrot milkshakes, some eggs and some other things- all on his play kitchen set.




I spent the morning quilting. I am working on a Chinese zodiac quilt for my friend E's 2 little girls. I finally found a pattern that I love and when I showed it to E, she liked it too.so now I am excited to finish them. And once I am done, then I can work on M's quilt- actually for her baby that is due later in the Fall. So I have lots to do.



What was exciting about all this, is that hijo allowed me to quilt for about 2 hours today before he decided that he need my complete attention. Since I was quilting at the dinning room table, i could see him and reach out and touch him at any time while i was quilting. He really wanted me to let him run the pedal on my sewing machine, but since he nearly sewed my finger the last time I let him do that, I am not letting him do it now. But he wants to help. so I have a plan for him later.



I still need to finish T's quilt, but I can not get inspired over the binding and I actually want to ripe off off the backing material- I don't like it, but I have not found something I like enough to replace it. But I need to cracking on it too, because T's one year home-aversary is coming up soon and I want to get the quilt to her and her mom before then.



I am excited to be able to work on things that make me feel creative. it actually helps me know that I am not just a momma and a worker for my company, but a woman with talents that allow me to express my creative side. So quilting is good for me and my soul.



Hijo is fighting sleep again, but it is to be expected. he wants to be with me all the time, cuddled up against me. being away from each other all week is unsettling to him. He is learning to deal with the emotions, but he spirals once we are back together. being together for last night and today has helped, but he is resisting separation. He has already expressed that he wants me to stay at church tomorrow. Not sure how that is going to play out, but I am mental prepared to be called out of church to come get him from his Sunday School class. I think we will spend the day alone again as a family. Separation is always a trigger for he fear that I am not going to come back, the memories of being left in the hotel with strangers. In his mind, he was left, he still does not understand that Popi, Momi and the girls died walking away from him- that the separation was just as bad for them as it was for him. he does not understand that it breaks my heart to know that I caused the pain on all sides because I wanted to be a momma. I think the pain has made us all and continues to make us all stronger and better people, but it does not change that Hijo fears separation and that his fears are triggered any time I am gone longer than our normal day.



I worry about school starting and having to travel right after school starts. I already know I have to travel 2 weeks into the school year and then again in October. I ma not sure how this is going to work or play out, but I am trusting that God who heals all wounds will carry us through this change in our lives and we will be covered in grace so that there is no continuing impact to hijo.



This post took a different bent then I thought it would when I started. The bottom line here is that my baby is growing up, he will let me do more things then he used because he knows I am always there for him. Day by day the trauma of separation is leaving him and being healed. Thank you God!





Love to you,

Momma