Where has the time gone?

we have done quite a bit of reading at our house this week.  I am reading some spy books, Hijo is reading a "CARS" book.  Yesterday, he sat with a magazine and marked pages with stickies so I could look at them.  

Somewhere along the days, my little baby has become a little boy.  He wants to read and he recognizes letter, numbers, he counts to 10  in English and Spanish.  he knows his colors in English and Spanish.  he response to questions in English and Spanish.  I guess it is time.

Today, I visied the last school before deciding on which school hijo will start attending in the Fall.  Our schools start in August, to help Popi and the grils understand.  The school year is late August to lateMay/early June.  Hijo will start school 5 days after his birthday.

After visiting the last school today, I made the decision- actually I made it before I left the building.  Hijo will attend the catholic school near us.  While I am not a practicing catholic and we attend a protestant church in the area, this school is the best for hijo and our family.

1. It is small- the class ratio is about 1 teacher to 15-20 students (neighborhood school is 1 teacher to 35-40 kids)
2. There is more diversity - I think abou 20% non caucasian students (our neighborhodd school is 99% caucasian)
3. the school is determining if foriegn language is going to be offered at the kindergarten- 4th grade level.
4. The teachers and administrative staff is so friendly and so outgoing
5. Kindergarten is all day- versus 2 hours at our neighborhood school.  So hijo will go to school from 8 am - 2:30 pm.  There is nap time included, so that is good.
6. We have freinds who work in the building
7. the school is 1.5 miles from our house so hijo will be able to ride the bus for free- there are no sidewalks to his school from our house and there is no way I would allow him to walk to school.
8. It is a small school.


This is the best choice I could make for hijo and I am excited for him to start school.  But, I am also struck by how fast the time has passed since we became a family.  I can clearly remember how far away school seemed when he first came home- how I looked out across 3 years and thought that this year would never come.  Now it is here- we are about 7 months from school starting.  Where did the time go? Then I look over at my sleeping boy and I see the years- I see the baby who now is a little boy- who is thriving, who has this insasible (spelling?) to learn.  My job now is to prepare him for school, to keep the flame of education alive in him, to fuel his desire to succeed in school, to prepare to release him to the larger world. 
I am happy and sad at the same time.

I think, I am going to be one of those moms who cries the entire first day, I am going to be the one who has a hard time letting him walk into his classroom and leave him behind.  I know this transition will be hard for me, but I also know it is going to be hard for him.  I am alrady thinking of what I need to do for this transition.
1. I need to be off work on the first 2 days of school
2. I need to see if I can get out of any work travel for the first 4 months of school.  I just think that hijo will do better with me home every day after school, getting him up each morning- just getting us into a routinue.  I need to talk to my boss about this.  it might not be possible, but I am praying that come August, I have 4 months of no travel for work, just to help hijo transition.

I just keep thinking, "it was just a few days ago that he came home, how can it be time to send him to school?" 

Is this feeling normal- do you look at your kids and wonder how the time has just flown by?  It is not just hijo's time that I look at, this year marks 7 years I have been back home- I am almost at the point where I have been home just as long as I lived in Michigan.  The time in Michigan seemed slower- marked by visits home, the time here seems to have flow by.

Where has the time gone? I miss the baby- I do- even with some of the stuggles we have gone through.  But, I know I love this age in hijo so muc more then the baby stage and I am looking forward to the man he will become, I just want to hold this time a little longer- to make time stand still just a moment longer.  To hold this little boy close, knowing that soon, I will be letting him go.  How did this happen so fast?

Can I have back the 21.5 months that we were not together?  can I have those back but not have to give up the time he had with Popi and the girls?  Can I stop time? 

Can I hang on to my hijo just a little longer?  Is there a way to hold on and to let go at the same time?  There must be, becuase my mom did it with me?  maybe she will share the secret with me, but I think I know it already: " if you love someone, let them go".  Becuase love comes back.  So I ma preparng to let him go out into the world, praying that my love will bring him back.  My baby, mu hijo, my little boy, my little man, my son.

Love and hugs,
momma